Sunday, June 20, 2010
Troy McClure Speaks Out on Peter Singer
Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such motivational videos as 'Wheel Chairs, or REAL Chairs?', 'Call Me Gifted, NOT Gimpy!', and 'Differently Abled- The OTHER White Meat!' I'm here to talk to you today about Princeton bioethicist Peter Singer, the most dangerous man in the world today! (2nd paragraph)
Professor Singer is what experts call a 'non-exclusivist'. That means that if a child and an amoeba were drowning, and he only had one life preserver, chances are better than 50/50 that he'd throw it to the amoeba. Yes, Springfield, Mr. Singer believes in that most Satanic religion of all...EVILUTION! And you can't say evilution without the 'evil'! He actually believes that once upon a time, two monkeys got together to make a baby, and a human popped out! Ha ha ha ha ha! Why, I'd bet my big red butt that THAT isn't true!
Remember, kids, if Peter Singer is ever invited to speak at YOUR school, ask him to show you his prehensile tail, and while he's busy unbuckling his belt, point at him and yell "Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!" loud enough for the principal and everyone else to hear. THAT should take care of our 'intellectual' friend, now shouldn't it? And after all, seeing that he thinks people are monkeys, he should feel right at home LIVING IN A CAGE!"
Oh, and as for the publisher of this blog, I'd just like to say- Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
Now, which way to the aquarium? Troy's got a hankerin' for some forbidden tuna!
I miss Phil Hartman.
UPDATE: When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!
DOUBLE UPDATE: CARTOON CROSSOVER!
at 7:15 PM