I remember watching Joseph Campbell in that series of PBS interviews with Bill Moyers back in the 1980s. He actually paraphrases Schopenhauer at one point, saying 'life is something that should not have been', or something to that effect. His response? No logical justification for the opposite point of view. He merely said something like "That's not a 'mature' outlook for a person to have. We MUST say YES to life."
I feel pressed to remind all of you who believe in the morality of bringing new children into the world, that you are saying 'yes' to all the tragedy of the world, actual and potential. All the atrocities, the horrors, the victimization, the despair, the pain; all of this is worth it to you, simply because the show MUST go on. Think about this next time tragedy strikes close to home- which is the only time most people ever seem to think about these things. By saying 'yes' to life, we encourage the process by which people suffer. We also usher death into the world, which is something most people ostensibly seem not to like very much.
Help us make a clean break of it, won't you? Don't have children. Discourage others from having them. You might just save a life or two.
17 comments:
hey Jim, your book is coming to this other side of the equator. I believe this is the first that is being sent to brazil, right?
I just ordered it by amazon, yesterday night, alongside another tome by cioran.
It should be here around the next 2 weeks or so.
I have a concern about living as a principled antinatalist and I'm asking for advice. Sometimes this feels like a ridiculous Larry David etiquette dilemma; but increasing it feels like a serious moral problem and I don't want to be a hypocrite...
How does one react to the happy news that dear friends and co-workers are expecting a biological baby? That is, they are purposely creating a life that will suffer and ultimately die in, say, 80years. Women, especially, are expected to participate in the baby shower, ask appropriate questions, and otherwise share enthusiasm for this new being who did not consent to any of this.
My own hypocrisy is starting to bother me because I buy baby gifts and sometime relent and attend the stupid showers. But in the office (and in my social circle), I feel like the only devout Catholic and everyone else is taking up a contibution to get so-and-so a very late term abortion and surely you'll be contributing and coming to the after party?
We've all become more tolerant and diverse as far as race and religion and sexulity are concerned. But the antinatalist is still a freak and I could settle for being a principled freak if it meant I wouldn't alienate -or lose- my friends.
Does Hallmark make a card for this situation? Suggestions?
Oh, there's little I despise more than the baby-shower invitation. It's really bad at my workplace, where several broads have whelped in the last few years, and (probably out of concerns for etiquette about not leaving me out more than anything else) I always receive an invitation by virtue of my possession of tits and lack of a penis. I always politely decline, and luckily I usually am already busy for whatever weekend date it happens to fall on, because I have a very active life outside of work. Even though no one has every said anything snide about this repeated behavior, I can imagine that it marginalizes me a bit. However, them's the knocks, right? I can't imagine caving in and going to such a festivity to coo and pretend I think this is an admirable accomplishment about which I am supportive and joyous. I always pity the to-be-born. I never celebrate anyone's impending childbirth. However, I don't go out of my way to announce my antinatalism, either. It doesn't curry much favor with the masses, and I like to avoid making huge waves where I make my living. Regarding losing friends: if you have so little in common with them that they'll blacklist you for not sharing their joy of procreation, perhaps you don't have a critical mass of common ground to maintain a fulfilling friendship, and maybe it's not worth faking it just to hold on to it.
Totally agree. I don't think anyone could've said it better.
Oh, and that's a thumbs up for Jim's post AND Anons response to jem :)
jem -
Adoption advocacy and childfreedom are much more accepted attitudes than antinatalism, despite still being marginalized and derided.
So if you don't want to come out at work or make up excuses about being busy, perhaps it would be diplomatic to just present as an adoption advocate or childfree instead (especially since you probably are anyway, and both those movements help our goal). If people think you're childfree, at least they won't automatically assume that eating candy out of diapers is your idea of fun. Or maybe you can make a donation to your state's foster care foundation in the breeders' name as your next baby shower gift. They'll get the message and you'll stop getting invites.
I wonder how we could make our movement seem less marginal. Maybe we should designate an Antinatalism Day when each of us does something to raise awareness. Someone (Jeff?) mentioned buying extra copies of Jim's book and leaving them in public places (coffee shops?). That seems like a good idea to me; BNtHB costs more, but we could even do that. Or CATHR (assuming Hippocampus ever ships it). Or if someone can't afford to buy more books, they can just make several posts on different message boards or blogs that are frequented by the masses. Maybe we should do it sooner rather than later while Peter Singer's column is still fresh in people's minds. Or does this idea sound too Pollyanna?
That´s is just like the atheism dilemma, some years ago.
Now, atheism is becoming more or like accepted, but antinatalism is still very strange to people.
People tend to look as if you were an alien, when you say that you are an antinatalist.
My trick is:
You dont have to do anything. People are still into having kids? Yeah, and they will still do it for another thousands of years.
You got nothing to do, since if you start being a pain in the ass, you´ll be ostracized.
Let them have kids, and celebrate their births.
People who can hear and search will do it, if they want it.
CM
Yes, it´s too Pollyannaish xD
Lol, just kidding...
jem,
If antinatalism were marginally accepted as an alternative view -- like atheism, perhaps -- it would be possible to decline a shower invitation simply by saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm an antinatalist." There might follow a moment of awkward silence, after which your reason would at least be understood. Chalk it up to a polite disagreement, like so many others. Of course, the problem is that this particular view is presently far from being understood in the world out there, much less accepted. When and if you explain your point of view in an unfriendly setting, no matter how carefully your words are chosen, most people (especially expectant parents) are likely to take it very personally. They will react not to your arguments, but to what they will perceive to be your arrogance in judging their precious choice. It's difficult to see how things can't go badly.
Friendship is one of the things that makes life tolerable, if not worthwhile. I'm not sure there are sufficiently good reasons to jeopardize one of life's small rewards on principle when doing so will not sway hearts and minds against the wisdom of creating human life. Still, the question is difficult. A matter of conscience.
Final thought. I'm opposed to circumcision, and I don't think I could ever attend a bris if I were invited. But there's a distinction, isn't there? In the case of ritual circumcision (notwithstanding the religious trappings) the bris is the thing; it's where the violence is done. In the case of soon-to-be parents, the violence has already been initiated. Recognizing this, maybe the best thing you can do is buy the new kid a gift (I always get them books to read when they're older), and show up to wish him luck.
jem:
A lady at work had a baby a few months ago. I held her in my arms, and man, did that ever take me back! I told her that her baby was beautiful, and handed her back. It was too late to say anything else, and I wouldn't have had the heart, anyway.
I don't think you're a hypocrite, though I don't think you should feel compelled to join in these 'celebrations' if they make you feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I can relate enough to your concerns about losing friends to give any specific advice. These days, I'm perfectly comfortable without those kinds of ties, although I certainly don't eschew friendly relationships when they arise of themselves. But I certainly don't feel a need to pursue them, or hang onto them once their shelf-life has expired (my ex-wife never understood that).
Not much advice here, huh? Oh well, I've never been much good at giving it :)
You're the man, Shadow!
Assuming, of course, that you're a guy :)
Jem,
Give this card, signed with a date from 2090.
Jem,
Give out this card signed with a date from 2090.
Jim,
I´m a 26 year old guy from Brazil... lol...
And come to think of it, I wonder if (for some time) I´m going to have the first copy of your material that was sent to south america...at least in Brazil I think it is.
Yeah, I´d be proud of myself... =)
Shadow: Well, if you ever make it up this way, I'll sign it, and we'll go bowling. My treat! :)
Thanks for the suggestions. Speaking of cards... I see where Amy Grossberg (sweet college girl/dead baby in Dumpster/served 2years in prison) creates and sells her own line of greeting cards, including congrats on the new baby. http://www.justbecauseinvitations.com/maincards.html
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